


Bitching It Back

by Eliyes



Category: Legion of Super-Heroes (Comics), Superboy (Comics)
Genre: Arguing, Gen, Movie Reference, Song Lyrics, Superpowers, Swearing, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 16:09:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliyes/pseuds/Eliyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’d tried being nice, but Cos had been – well, a bitch – at every turn.</p><p>Well, now he was going to be a bitch right back and see how <b>that</b> went.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bitching It Back

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as an exercise in letting off steam over the inexplicable and illogical characterization of Cosmic Boy for the last... I don’t know. Few years, before the re-imagining. It takes place when Kon is time-tossed to the Legion (the second time). It sort of turned into an exercise in narrating Kon’s body language and mood. 
> 
> Props to [amarin_rose](http://amarin-rose.livejournal.com/) for the title.
> 
> This story was originally posted on Livejournal December 7, 2005.

“I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch, and the bitch is back! Stone cold sober as a matter of fact – ”

Kon-El bopped around his room, up onto his bed, down again, wiggling and gyrating to the **very** eclectic mix of late 20th century music Andrew had given him. Because he was alone and unobserved, he used moves that he would **never** use with an audience. Not even the Ravers. He was pointing and head-bobbing like something out of _Flashdance_ –

– or was it _Fame_ he’s seen?

At any rate, he was facing away from the door when it opened, too caught up to notice the beep of the lock override.

“I can bitch, I can bitch, ’cause I’m better that you! It’s the way that I move, the things that I do! Whoa-oh-oh!”

Now he remembered, it was _Footloose_ , and he spun like Kevin Bacon (or Michael J. Fox in _Back to the Future III_ , at the saloon) –

– to find Cosmic Boy standing just inside the door, arms crossed, a clipboard-like computer held in one hand. His bemused expression quickly disappeared under Kon’s gaze.

‘Speaking of the bitch...’ Kon thought with some irritation, pushing his bangs off his forehead and adopting what he hoped was a cool, aloof expression. He’d tried being nice, but Cos had been – well, a bitch – at every turn.

Well, now he was going to be a bitch right back and see how **that** went.

“My door was locked,” Kon said over the music. He didn’t bother turning it down, because he knew Cos would have to make himself heard over it this way, which would deprive him of the joy of using that **tone**.

Probably.

“I unlocked it,” Cos said, looking irritated.

“What, people don’t knock in this century? Use doorbells? Call ahead? Don’t you believe in privacy?”

Cos’ eye twitched, ever so slightly, and Kon guessed that he’d hit a nerve.

“That’s very rude,” Kon said mildly, turning away from the Legion founder to find an abandoned T-shirt to wipe his face with. He sat on the bed, which bounced – he’d found one with springs, finally – and a few computer pads jounced off onto the floor. He still didn’t turn down the music (which had now switched to “Walk This Way” as performed by Aerosmith and Run DMC, God **bless** Andrew) but he could hear Cos’ teeth grind, just a bit.

“I’d like to talk to you,” Cos said, voice displeased. Kon put on a surprised face, picking up an Omnicom at random and stretching out on his bed with one arm behind his bed.

“That’s a switch.”

Cos moved closer to the bed, the better to be heard. Kon gave him a big, fake smile. Cos moved yet closer, having tried to speak at the same time Steve Tyler hit the chorus.

“You’re one to talk about privacy,” Cos snapped. “You’ve been accessing the files on every Legionnaire there’s **been**.”

“Uh-huh,” Kon said slowly, not seeing where the problem was, and wondering if Cos recognized the illogic of countering a charge of snooping with a counter-accusation that could only have been gained through **more** snooping...

“Why?” Cos demanded.

“You told me to.”

“...Excuse me?” Cos now had his hands on his hips, and Kon was amused at having labeled him a bitch. It **so** fit.

“Yeah. You told me to familiarize myself with the Legion bios. If it helps jog your memory, you seemed irritated that I couldn’t remember someone’s powers.” He narrowed his eyes. “But then, it’s so hard to **tell** why you’re irritated at any given moment...”

Cos looked – well, not floored, really. Maybe Kon would achieve that at some other time. But it was clear he now remembered saying it.

After a moment’s consideration, Kon decided to try extending the olive branch again.

“I mean, it makes **sense**. The Legion is bigger than any of the teams I’ve been on. It’s just **easier** to read about people than try to talk to everyone and get to know them. Especially since you’re busy with a way bigger area than just earth and a few **other** planets.”

“Other planets?” Cos sneered. Obviously he was ignoring the olive branch. Big surprise. “You’ve **been** to other planets?”

“ **Yes** , _jackass_ , I have.” He said ‘jackass’ in English, not Interlac’s equivalent, but obviously Cos understood. Kon continued anyway, listing the places he’d visited.

“...and a few other dimensions I didn’t catch the name of. And Apokolips.”

Apparently mentioning **that** was a mistake. Cos’ eyes didn’t bug out, and he didn’t **literally** pounce on Kon, but it was damn close.

“You were **on** Apokolips? Is that why you arrived from something like a boom tube?”

“No. I don’t know! I was unconscious when I got here. Not from **then** , anyway. That was a **while** ago; I haven’t been back. And **besides** , there **are** heroes from Apokolips with boom tubes. Hell, the JLA was using them a lot for a while. Which you’d know if you’d read the debriefing Querl put me through instead of monitoring my reading choices!”

“And you didn’t think this was relevant to bring up when we were dealing with Darkseid?”

“Hey! **You’re** the one who told me to shut up and stay **here!** You weren’t listening, so I wasn’t about to bring up something it’s hard enough to talk about! Falling into Granny Goodness’ clutches wasn’t exactly **pleasant** , not to **mention** watching one of my **best friends** disintegrate in screaming **agony!** ”

Kon realised he was yelling. **Now** Cos looked stunned, but it wasn’t the victory he’d hoped for. He stood and shut off the music, turning away again.

“When… When was this?” Cos asked. Kon still didn’t turn around. He gave him a set of dates.

“Earth was being invaded. It was hostile. We – Young Justice, I mean – we were kids, the older heroes wanted us out of the fighting. But we wanted to help. So we were doing scout duty. Stealth stuff. Robin’s especially good at that…” Kon tried to swallow past the hard knot of emotion in his throat. “We got shot down. We crashed on Apokolips. It was, like, a month or so before we made it back home.”

Kon hated remembering. He could still hear Bart scream, still had nightmares. But not **every** night, now. Just because he was trying to get over it didn’t mean he’d wanted to talk about it with someone as unsympathetic as Rokk Krinn.

“You’d think you’d know this, being a 20th century history buff and all.” Kon turned back to face the Legion founder.

“That,” Cos said, face going cold again, “is what I’m talking about. You accessed – somehow – my full bio. That was unnecessary for just learning to recognise Legion members and associate their faces with **names** and **powers!** ”

“Well then you should have been more specific!” Kon retorted, stung that he had bared his soul and Cos was still being such a jerk.

“ **I** should have – ?”

“Besides, to work well with someone, you have to **know** them. Fear of heights? Good to know. Allergic to flowers? Good to know. History of violent outbursts? Hey, I’d like to know that crap! I’m trying – ”

“How did you even get **access** to the full bios? That’s not what you were cleared for!” Cos interrupted. Kon fell silent, glaring at him, then sat again and resumed his previous pose of reading.

“Well?” Cos prompted.

“If I tell you, will you go away?” Kon asked quietly.

“Fine. Yes.”

“Jazmin gave me the clearance,” Kon said, then used his TK to turn the music back on and up painfully loud. He ignored Cos’ shocked look and then wince of pain. Once the Braalian was gone, he turned the music off again and sighed, flinging the Omnicom away.

“Great going,” he muttered to himself. “Way to make sure the team leaders fight.”


End file.
